Yes. Its just as likely that hes just jealous and controlling, like every other sap who clamps down on his partners autonomy. His friends also wouldnt let their wives go? Granted, the event I was at was for a Fortune 100 company but in addition to the hotel security, they had private security and company reps everywhere. Ive been to far more dangerous places. We live a block away from a grocery store. Note: After I wrote this answer, I received more details about the letter-writer about exactly what her husbands objections are. Thats it. Maybe he has heightened anxiety. apply jobappnetwork com elior; farmington, ct homes for sale by owner He had experienced previous panic attacks on flights, hated the "cattle type" travel experience, and at 6'2+ was uncomfortable in the tiny airplane seats. Why would you visit Vegas when you live in NOLA, unless it was for work. Turned out my wife was in the backyard mowing but had taken a break before I drove up and my son was upstairs playing quietly on the computer. I had no other work pending and a ton of free time, so what did I do? Absence doesnt make the heart grow fonder, it ruins relationships and I am 3 decades in. Agree counseling would be a good place to start. We were already pretty good at forming social subgroups with people who are more like us, but now that we have instant online communities for any reason or belief, the effect has grown, and we can choose to associate more with people who agree with our beliefs. Back in the days of Usenet, this was called the lurkers support me in email, which just about sums it up. I care about your son's emotional health, the emotional damage he will suffer, when this emotional abuser of an ex tells his lies about you. OPs husband sounds like my mom. Do NOT potentially sabotage your career over this, especially if you are the main breadwinner. Whats real is my wife is going for a walk in a safe area, shes smart and wouldnt put herself in danger, and the chances of anything happening to her are incredibly low. He got anxious when I went to San Diego only because it was near the Mexican border, but gee whiz. I have horrible anxiety. Good luck and enjoy the trip. Funny, random story (OP, do not tell your husband this), one of my husbands coworkers met his wife while they were both on trips in Vegas. Meaning they side with the wife on this one. I say this because I have a hard time believing that someone who had actually been to Vegas would hold these opinions about it honestly its not my favorite place because I find it too crazy and overstimulating, but I have never felt I was in any kind of danger. I played the slots for all of 5 minutes and that was it. Mom freaked out, but fortunately for me, my Dad was there to help and reassure her AND wed had enough family counseling after my teenage years that I knew how to set boundaries. One of my best friends took his family (2 very young children) to Vegas, and they had a great time. On which I shared my personal experience and directed to resources where these be explored further. pathfinder: wrath of the righteous ending slides. Conversely I dont think Ive ever paid less than $200/night for a business-class hotel in NYC, Austin, LA, etc. Sure, but then the question would be my boss wants me to go on a business trip but I have a new baby/my spouses parent is seriously ill/my house just flooded and I need to deal with insurance/whatever, how should I ask my boss if I can get out of it. Omg that sounds so much like my mom. I agree with Allison though, this is a situation that requires some heavy duty marriage counseling no matter what. Ugh. Feel free to point out where I did that. But they are the obvious two and also both hot-button topics on this forum. We did it almost two weeks ago and it took about 14 hours, and now we're headed home. Hehesitated, but agreed.Onthe third day ofthe vacation, his parents, brothers, and their spouses were all sitting atatable outside whileI was preparing afruit salad. Some of the really big conventions and annual conferences only have a few places to choose from. Sorry if I didnt tie that up explicitly enough. Yes!! Its just Vegas (and Disney) are more designed to keep you inside their controlled, predictable corporate environment so as to better separate you from your money. It is a huge trust issue. I did a similar trip after I had my second but I did it different than everyone else. According to my in-laws, any apartment within walking distance of a Mexican restaurant had to be in a horrible and crime-infested part of town. Be bored, and be boring: This is not a debate, this is a fact deal with it but stated calmly, not aggressively. You would have to go out of your way to find a casino, a lavish bar with topless entertainment, or an escort service. Companies dont plan things in Vegas to put their employees at risk. Sure, anxiety may be amplifying his concerns, but anxiety doesnt make a respectful, supportive, loving spouse demand that their wife refuse to attend a business trip. I dont gamble but I love New Orleans it feels like an adults only carnival. You also cannot learn anything while youre in a state of fear. I obviously dont TELL people I have these thoughts because it tends to freak people out! Yeah, there are definitely shady parts of Vegas, in the same way are in almost every city. Or maybe its anxiety fueling a control issue, but I highly doubt that anxiety treatment will help. That doesnt strike me as weird at all. (like when one of his good friends turned 50). Of course, it also relates to what the right wing media say, and its super-hard to tackle. You could walk up to the bar to order a drink and tell that person you need some assistance and they are on it in seconds. Never! So your husband just told you he wants to go away for Labor Day. I have been to Vegas twice (both in the same calendar year), once with my wife when she was attending a conference (hobby, not work related) and the second time with my (at the time) elementary school aged daughter. I went to Vegas for work once. If you think Im the type of person who would cheat well Im not interested in spending time with you because you seem to have a pretty horrible opinion of me. You cant expect someone with a broken leg to ski down a mountain; you cant expect someone in an irrational state of fear to behave in a reasonable manner *in the moment*. And you will regret it even more if your marriage ends and you put yourself in a worse position just to appease irrational fears. Its a him issue. You just reminded me that a lot of Mormon fundamentalist families live in the suburbs of Vegas because people dont bother polygamist families out there like they do in Utah. When I talk to my friends nowadays (still in Ohio, btw! Ah, sorry, didnt say they were the only two choices! I think the fact that hes willing to go counseling (am I reading that correctly?) My mother too. This is not a normal or healthy response from a spouse, and it needs to change. But theres no letting about it. My mom has cooled off a bit now that Im almost 40 (!! Autor de l'entrada Per ; Data de l'entrada columbia university civil engineering curriculum; hootan show biography . You have three options in how to proceed: (1) You could say no to the trip (a week off can be just impossible to coordinate these days! What do you think?. Not for me. Echoing this. Group Black's collective includes Essence, The Shade Room and Naturally Curly. The best parts of Vegas arent actually in town. And when she called home she was mean to me and I noticed she fixed her hair differently and she looked very happy. But I did find pictures of her with male strippers so yeah Im nervous shes younger and hasnt traveled like I have the world can be dangerous. Im going to second the suggestion of marriage counseling, but I think your husband sounds controlling and unreasonable. It doesnt have to be automatically a negative-value-weighted word (which is admittedly hard for me to do because of my own bad background with a controlling culture and religion) but on the flip-side, I think we should not give cultural differences veto power to prevent us from calling out specific and tally-able patterns of behaviors that some people see as personal red flags or interpersonal deal-breakers. IMO once you start catering to this kind of thing, it does not ever get better. I dont think Ive ever paid more than $200/night in Vegas, often much less even after the resort fees are tacked on. Hopefully hes open to counseling/therapy, but if hes not, and he instead doubles down on not letting you travel (regardless of destination), I do think you need to consider an exit strategy. This is bound to make them curious and excited. Not because I felt unsafe (though I kind of did, but I could remind myself that was because of CSI and not because of logic) but mostly because it was also not clean enough for my standards and the savings werent worth it the amount of time I spent trying to get places. I think that couples counseling is the best place to start, no matter what the underlying problem is, because its a relationship problem that hes laying on her. (The sales guy told her, its just like any other dance show, but at half the price and without the headdress! I recognized the name and tried to talk her out of it, but she believed the sales guy over me.) I mean, it isnt like he is supporting them. Disordered anxiety changes shape to fit inside whatever container is available, which might be infidelity or kidnapping or alien abduction. I really hope it does lead to the OP getting help. This is so far outside of normal that if I were in your shoes OP, I would be socking money away so that I could leave him, unless theres something youre not telling us that could possibly justify how he treats you. The kidnaps, cheating, etc etc that COULD happen in Vegas (with about as much chance as being struck by lightning) are all just scare tactics to convince YOU to stay home and desire his protection from the big, bad world. Ive never been on these more dangerous trips, though I almost had to travel to Congo last year (it ended up falling through). Did you say, thanks for confirming that I need to get away from you immediately & forever? FWIW, my husband went on a business trip to Vegas last year when I was pregnant and feeling like crap. Some people may have only a negative perception of Vegas, but the important thing is realizing that kneejerk perception is actually inaccurate. And I do like some gambling. I agree with the counseling suggestion. Yup. Ive lived in Vegas for over a decade and have attended many, many conferences here as well as in other cities. Therapy, now, for both of you so that you can discuss this issue, and potentially solo therapy for him to address his issues. She didnt ask permission to go on a business trip this week, because I understand that her work travel is non-negotiable. Another is that hes questioning the companys motives. I think its one of the things that makes our relationship so strong. Might I suggest Hotwire? I really dont recommend this course of action. Couples counseling may be useful but controlling spouses are sometimes effective manipulators and in those situations couples counseling is a terrible idea. Things to consider!! In neither case do I think you should stay home, and I think youre best able to answer the question of his motivations, and how to deal with them long term. 6. I also worry about my spouse traveling without me. My partner has a fantastic story of stumbling on some kind of yakuza pre-dustup in Namba (in a Family Mart of all places). My SO has been to more conferences in Vegas than I think anywhere else because of the ease with which hotel rooms can be acquired. Updated on July 08, 2011. Your feigned hysteria of all caps and multiple exclamation points comes across like a rude caricature of people you disagree with. See a g- d- counsellor. It is ideally set up to host conferences. If you're able to, I would think about flying. We are both off work for the summer so we can easily split up the car ride and stop and get a hotel for the night along the way. A little bit, mostly to servers who thought I might be lonely and often came over to chat while I was having dinner. I lived in Ottawa, our nations capital and it all suburbs and boring. She is not the nicest mother in law, either. My husband has some mental health issues (and some life experiences) that make him prone to excessive worry when I travel for work, and in my last job, I traveled A LOT. !1 into a discussion? I only left the conference hotel a couple of times, always with a group, and we were in the touristy area right next to the Gaslamp district anyway. If you want to take PTO and extend your trip, please let me know and we can schedule your flights accordingly., Hehe even though were in DC, Xcorp still expects our employees to behave better than the politicians. LW, my husband would be honestly fine with me going to Vegas. And opportunities to cheat and people who will spike a strangers drink exist in every city. Worrying about cheating, sex, drugs, and rock n roll, is worrying about what I will do. or is it not? Plus those casinos take forever to walk across and they are saturated in smoke, blech! If it didn't work you were stuck with a super cringe photo until the next time you tried to get everyone together. Theyve had a lot of issues actually, and it kind of doesnt work for her. A difficult or stressful situation with in-laws can cause undue stress and anxiety, making you feel rejected and undervalued. I hope that isnt what this turns out to be, but whatever it is, its not good. That leads me to believe his concerns are less altruistic. There is SO much more to Vegas than gambling, booze, and illicit sex. Spiking drinks, assault, kidnapping happen in tiny places as well as large places. What is wrong with people? Eventually I sat him down and said something along the lines of, Dude, youre stressing me out. Never mind that this area was completely safe and middle-class; never mind that the apartment complex had 24-hour security; gated parking; never mind that this Mexican restaurant is not a whole in the wall, is regularly featured on Food Network, and is a regular spot for bringing out-of-town clients for virtually every company in our city. Nobody ever said I wont let you go on that trip, but it certainly wouldnt have ended well if they had. There are a lot of people on vacation. I always laugh about when I lived in the Bay Area and my mom would freak out anytime I mentioned doing something in Oaklandshe really could not understand how the city could possibly be different than the way it is portrayed in the media, and assumed I was walking into some drug/murder den on a frequent basis. My bf and I traveled for work constantly. While I was away, he made me upset the whole time with his anxiety of what-ifs and what-nots. But don't worry, Daisy. Nah this isnt about irrational fears on his part, its about control. And the Flamingo is fun because its what I imagine the trashy, gaudy old Vegas was like so when Im there I pretend Im like a mobsters wife or something. I cordially dislike Vegas. Some people really arent used to being apart from their partners. My comment is intended to apply to any combination of genders.). Id love to see a red flag exercise at Nellis AFB. I think the conversation is worth having. Its possible that thats part of it given the cheating aspect, but the worried the worst would happen is a very, very common anxiety symptom called catastrophizing. He is unable to let go of these thoughts on his own, they are interfering with his and his spouses quality of life, so he needs some help. Dont answer the phone? I know many wonderful non-abusive people who would raise a hairy eyeball over this. Nah, its not legal in Reno either their county did not legalize it. I know that, but if I was in construction, or teaching, or something like that, maybe I wouldnt. Therapy is really personal, and a bad fit or burnt-out therapist can be worse than no therapist at all. Not that I am saying that the Letter Writer should invite her husband. It might even be a wonderful idea, under the right circumstances. I could care less about gambling and night time shenanigans. OP, I agree with the advice you dont have to choose between your marriage and your job if you dont want to. This is great, Anon Poster. Is it indulging in a pleasurable vice? ! Um, Im going to my cousins house. Its a very highly policed city. In these instance either hes cheating, Im cheating (not happening), or one of us is crazy. Do you want to go? Im rooting for you! The extent of our excitement is shopping at the outlets, maybe visiting Hershey and watching movies in our PJs. I would hate to see that whatever reassurances/checking in could have a negative impact on how you are perceived in your office. who believe the TV/movie depictions of the city and sort of forget that there are people who live there and work there, going about their everyday lives. Many manage to avoid devil-worshipping sex orgy kidnapping extravaganzas for almost the entire year. not roll my eyes and whisper not this again when she does go off on a tangent.. There was no worry about that, my dad trusted her and knew she just needed a little break from being Mom and needed some time being Jane (not her real name) to recharge. This is always my response to people and they always get mad at me for saying it. Thank you for sharing your story withus this iswhat weve come upwith: How would you react ifyou were inMayas shoes? And shes the main provider in the family? (Great people that I wish I could work with.no real role for me in what they do, though.). My husband wants to bring his mother on our European vacation. Marriage counseling is good for her so she can express her love for me without sounding like a hypochondriac. We live in an at-will dating society, where either party can end the relationship at any time, with or without cause and with or without notice. Im trying not to bring up the topic for awhile till he meets with a counselor individually or together. Its one of my spa vacation destinations. No, youre absolutely right. His friends live in DC so I'm considering seeing if we could drive there first and spend the night w them (about five hours from where we live). With NUNS. as an excuse for his angst. Couples therapy, NOW, to sort out this huge red flag. And perversely its a lot SAFER than other big cities, because there are eyes everywhere, all the time. When one leaves, its done! My husband used to be pretty bad about my work trips, too. think twice before sharing personal details, foster a friendly and supportive environment, remove fake accounts, spam and misinformation, delete posts that violate our community guidelines, reviewed by our medical review board and team of experts. And I dont know whether I asked permission, exactly, to plan some activities on my own this weekend to decompress from a week of solo child care, but I did run it by her she was of course supportive, but sometimes with this kind of planning there are scheduling issues we have to work out. I live in a small country area where most woman are not in my position & usually give in to husbands demands whether or not it is ethical.Counsling is usually never seeked out. Then we went to Hoover Dam on a tour. I have a friend that refuses to go to Vegas because he believes its the modern Sodom and Gomorrah. The irony is, for business trips, Vegas is essentially Disney. If I were married and my husband told me that he honestly thought so little of me that he assumed I would cheat on him because I was going to Vegas for a business conference, I would be heartbroken. I dont know if this is a sexist response from jealousy? People cheat in the tiniest of towns. Dont give him information that he will then twist (anxiety twists everything) and dont waste your time or your energy you need that for other things. I also love Vegas. He is just jealous that he cant get off work and go with me! I tell him that if he was in my shoes, I would be supportive. This is part of your JOB. And thats Congo. I guess I read that differently than everyone else? He just says everybody so that it will give weight to his selfish wants. Havent read the comments to see if this is talked about yet, but I feel like religion has a play here I can see uber conservative religions having more problems with this situation than anything else. Originally Published: Dec. 27, 2015. I really hope he is able to get help and you are both able to get to a better way of engaging with each other on this. I also tried talking through some of his wilder concerns. He should not be demanding that you refuse to go on a business trip and unleashing all of this unfounded anxiety on you. Reading it again, its a bit confusing, but I still think the husbands friends arent agreeing with him. He was already in counselling and they focused on this issue for a while. Ifyoure feeling left out, that means something iswrong. $57 foie gras burgers and stuff, just total lunacy. On every occasion, he made rules like I could never go anywhere alone and I had to call him at a specific time every day. Collect them from travel agents and show it to your husband, wife or partner. I wouldnt be surprised if he straight-up made that up in order to lend credence to his argument. But I come from a history of super-controlling domestic abuse situations, so Ive seen this behavior more times than Id care to admit. No amount of marriage counseling will fix controlling. Please whitelist our site to get all the best deals and offers from our partners. Your post will be hidden and deleted by moderators. If all else fails OP can blame in on an alien abduction. I think theres sometimes a tendency in certain corners of the internet to equate I have to talk to my partner about X before I can do it or My partner doesnt want me to do Y with OMG controlling relationship!, when there are lots of circumstances where that kind of thing is totally reasonable. I deeply hope that he is just sort of neurotic and doesnt handle it very well. He definitely is the one that needs the work, but ideally I would think they should have both couples sessions and individual sessions for him. Iasked ifI could come. The whole letting her go thing could be controlling or abusive, but it could also refer less to physical ability to go there and more not letting her go in peace, or without a bunch of needy whining adult tantrums. Apparently the husband hasnt been to Las Vegas recently, because now its like Disneyland with slot machines. Business trips (and business trips to Las Vegas even) are such a normal part of work life that is is totally bizarre to expect you not to go simply because of the destination. They may not all work for you, but I hope that at least some will be helpful. The follow up is what took it from possible anxiety issue on overdrive to controlling husband for me. Thoughts? We talked about it a lot and it turns out that most of his fears were based on baggage from previous relationships (2 of his exes cheated). Hes gotten better over time, but he still guilt-trips me before I leave and makes sad noises about how he misses me so much and we never spend enough time together. My then-husband and I spent three days in Vegas with two other couples, and the most sinful thing we did was see a strip show that our group leader had accidentally bought us all tickets to. Its really hard for people to disagree with their buddies in ways harsher than well, I dont know about THAT, but I can see where youre coming from., I can very easily see him going would YOU let your wife go on some so-called business trip with her sleazy coworkers to Vegas?? I second counseling. And the concerns mentioned about What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, sin city, dramatic kidnapping scenarios, etc. We of course send the Im here texts and goodnight and such. Id be wondering if it isnt time to reconsider the marriage. Im anxious and so is my Mother, so Ive been on both sides of this, and I have a lot of sympathy for you, OP, and for your spouse too. Im handling it by biting the dog that bit me and hes not happy. Nevada decriminalized prostitution at the state level and left it to the counties. Say to yourself something like, I am not a therapist, and even if I were, it would be unethical and impossible for me to treat someone Im in a relationship with. Theres a lot of pressure on family to be carers and therapists and *everything* someone needs its not possible, its often harmful give yourself permission to skip that mess.
Charles Gibson Summit Nj,
Judge Kevin Ross Wife Picture,
Articles H
