my wife doesn't touch me sexually anymore

Were in a lifetime partnership. Some nice and some angry! In this new gynocentric west, the only answer is to find non-western women or women who were not raised in the west. Our devastation has completely made intimacy and sex impossible. 3. My NEW husband gets a hard on, loves me to give him oral sex but is not sexually attracted to me at all. I always thought by the time I retired, I would have both the time and energy to truly connect sexually with my spouse without worrying about kids interrupting, getting up early for work or that sex had to be scheduled. What men want is for her to have some of that drive back. An undiagnosed, underlying medical condition can also be the reason for a decreased sex drive. The article itself is very weak and rehashed b.s., But the comments are priceless! Makes me happy Im not married. To send your questions directly to Joan, email sexpert@seniorplanet.org. I was disgusted with the thought of my tongue in that region. That never goes away for most women or men. Dont you love anything? Is this the same advice you would give a man that is in a sexless marriage? She replied yes. Your wife may have become so involved in raising the kids that her relationship with you takes a backseat. A little flirting, some sex, and shed start pushing for a ring. Want to continue the conversation? Would you expect your wife to attach as much emotional significance to cooking dinner as to making love? When a woman looses her ovaries and/or had a hysterectomy the sex drive goes. Quite frankly, I feel like he has been and is being cheated. There are physical and emotion consequences to withholding sex from a partner. This ad is displayed using third party content and we do not control its accessibility features. She told me, a man should never get jealous of his wife f ing other men. For example, depression, as well as the medication used to manage it, can take a toll on ones libido. We could have worked it out. My son is in an open marriage (I know this because he and his wife talk about it openly) and it opened my eyes to the reality that it is unrealistic to expect one person to be able to satisfy all of your sexual needs. I cuttle with her, hold her close, hold her hand in public and we talked about it. Monica..give her satisfaction .. that is exactly what I would love to do for my wife of 30 years. She consulted with her doctor who recommended hormone treatment and her research on cancer had her rejecting that avenue. But they can FORCE their partners to NOT have sex and No one seems to want to talk about that. This was an enlightening comment and reflects what has been my marriage for 35 years. You may be ok with the situation youve created.. thats one thing, but to act as though youre merely tolerating the situation as a martyr is pure BS. Thank God I love to ski. Want to have a happier, healthier marriage? Expert Lists 13 Reasons, 43 Romantic Date Night Ideas For Married Couples, 44 Unique Birthday Wishes For Husband To Convey Your Love, 33 Most Romantic Things To Do For Your Wife, The Best 51 Anniversary Wishes For Husband, 6 Facts That Sum Up The Purpose Of Marriage. Richard C No doubt youre frustrated. If your wife never initiates affection, its time to take the pressure off. Ive always had this feeling from the first of our marriage that he felt somewhat uncomfortable having sex but that it was permissible if we were trying to procreate, but never just for fun or enjoyment. I found him to be the most attractive man Ive ever met! I told her that I did not want that, That I only wanted her but she said she loves me but has no sexual feelings, it is slowly destroying me and I do not know what to do, she refuses to talk about it, will not spoon in bed and pulls away from any hug. If you love the person you will probably end up in the suffer category, unfortunately. What r u holding on for?! So, youre going to break up a marriage of 43 years, because you dont want to masturbate. Im to the point where Id be happy with an occasional peck on the cheek. My beliefs are that I cannot step outside my marriage and commitment and it cost me some very good relationships with other women. I literally want sex daily and extremely sleep deprived because many nights I am rock hard all night long. There are books that can help guide you. We are wired so differently. Sorry long diatribe. Well, our partners dont seem to care they are hurting us. So my question to the men here. If its just drynesswhich is common as women ageas well as using lubricant youll also want to be sure that your wife is aroused, even before any genital touching. Even books on men not wanting sex place the responsibility on the woman. Especially if you once had a, One reason your wife never initiates affection may be stress related. We love them. I have tried to have a heartfelt conversation but he is not willing to talk about it. In the meantime,, get naked and take care of your partners needs because as you can see on this strand, there are plenty of people out there who will! Talk about a double standard! As we age we need to look at things with a different perspective. If theyve been fighting the whole day, physical intimacy is the last thing on their mind. They think they do, Men expect women to get hormone therapy to fix the hormone problem. Never did I roll over and fall asleep, and always tried to give her an orgasm until I had one. Only your wife herself can tell you the exact reason why she's not interested in having sex with you. our belief of *how* we should act and behave . I love it communicate, tell her how you feel. After having surgery 2 years ago for testicular cancer my wife wont touch me. I bet if a man did ever6a woman does in one day he would not bitch about sex he would pass out. The lack of interested finally scuttled her interest to find help. With her warm, playful approach to coaching and facilitation, Kelly creates refreshingly candid spaces for processing and healing challenges around dating, sexuality, identity, body image, and relationships. She said, YOU WILL LOOK AT OTHER WOMEN?! Since abstinence for so long Im wondering what will happen if a woman takes an interest in a 70-year-old man. My wife did not give me your three choices, but they are still there. Avoiding divorce, men have two choices, acceptance/celibacy or cheating. I could care less what he says or does. Ask if there is something you can do to make sex more enjoyable for her. That was pretty much the end of a normal sex life, He had a horrific childhood, beatings, a suicidal mother (she cut her wrists in front of her children), infidelity on both sides. You risk losing it all for the same quick minute that you already have with your wife. The first step is to communicate with your partner about what you think you might be lacking. There are many reasons. If there's no intimacy in your marriage from your wife and you've realized that she may be suffering through mental health issues, Bonobology's panel of experienced therapists can help guide your partner through this turbulent time, and perhaps re-establish the harmonious relationship you yearn for. Weve been in counseling for a year. I lve my wife more now then when we got married. Weve been married almost 40 years and neither of us had any sex partners before we met. Juggling household and professional responsibilities single-handedly is no easy feat. I sincerely hope is wife is open to exploring options. 5. You have (understandable) guilt and shame about sex, undoubtedly influenced by your current predicament and the old trauma of feeling rejected during your first long-term partnership. About 5 years ago (we've been married 29) she started not wanting me to touch her breasts as much and over time stopped letting me touch them altogether. Senior Planet Community is our social media platform designed specifically for older adult users. Maybe you are the only one getting pleased and thats not fun. I married, not for love but because was told I could do worse. Given the fact that 34%, (some studies say as high as 40%) of women and 15% of men dont like/want sex, is it any wonder that 50% of marriages end in divorce? How can I let my wife know how sexy I find her? Willsounds like you live in the stone agesworks for you.but most woman like a say in whether they would like to be touched or not. Im 15 years younger than my husband. Im 65 and just want a happy, peaceful existence and I cope with EVERYTHING 100% , except sex. Weve been married 27 years, sex Withholding sex as punishment is hostile you deserve better. You can clearly see that she is overworked and avoids intimacy. Good luck. I was in bed for a week with complications and ended up in the ER and the doctor said given my reactions my risk for stroke is 25% higher using Testosterone but I still get told I need to think of her and give it another try. You either need to leave or stay in it knowing that she is sexless towards you. That may be one reasons why so many husbands. You have to find a life without him. A study published by the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that women had more difficulty staying focused during intimacy and lower arousal levels when under stress. This whole situation sucks for all of us. And Marley, I deeply sorry for your situation. I am a married woman of 69 and my husband (also 69) lost all interest in sex quite some time ago. My wife I encourage to have her hobbies and she is a nice person. Add Cialis if you want solid tree trunk hardness. I say bullshit to every man and women experiencing no sex in a relationship if they want it with their partner. I didnt sign up for this garbage! Sex is extremely painful, regardless of whatever I use to try and counteract the problem. Its maddening! Rob you are right on, God set this up with every male, as we get older the desire goes down but not away. She refuses to talk about it. I work full time, do personal training after that, and run a business. Even with some ED we can still have a good orgasm..but she wont even touch me.. Im not a bad looking guy, and tend to her needs materially.. but sex is off the table. She chose to be sexless, so now she has another choice to make. I am a 64 year old woman who has lost all interest in sex. It also says that we are to make our bodies our patents, not ours. Please keep your eyes open for signs she is interested in someone else, such as being secretive, avoiding you, or hitting the gym. Absolute rubbish! I went through marital counseling before the wedding. ( I told him about the job opening). Here is what the problem is when it comes to SEX. She needs someone to act as a buffer, to provide support and not make it seem like shes in it alone. If there is resentments in the home then it will not happen. If I spend time or money on them, I get ridiculed. My husband and I are working on these issues now, and it takes some serious ,painful discussion. Thrown into menopause way too young. She has a degree in journalism from Northwestern University, and shes been trained and certified by leading sex and relationship institutions such as The Gottman Institute and Everyone Deserves Sex Ed, among others. On fantasy world would be 24/7! Because of its addictive nature, it rewires the brain by desensitizing you. Get a better paying job so she doesnt have to work her butt off. But, here we are with 13 grandchildren from the strong marriages of our 9 surviving children. I bet you think all men are stupid as well. He doesnt even like to kiss. It can be helpful to have this conversation with the help of a sexuality professional, such as a sex therapist or coach. Just has zero desire. But connection and intimacy, and yes even sex, IS a need for many. But I still love her and will be heartbroken when that day comes. She basically views it as an immature fixation and that as a married man I should concentrate on more important things. I understand completely!!!! And there is another problem: When two people dont want the same things in the marriage or relationship (like trying to fix what is wrong), then there is often no solution other than plodding along as before. BTWsome in your wifes position build great insurmountable resentment. Dont hold it against her. But this past 6 months I see things slipping and I feel we are not getting that closeness and are becoming more distant even though we do many things together. I told him we could stay married/faithful to each other without any type of sex/sexual contact. Communication will go a long way in improving your sex life. She may not understand the first time around, but if you keep trying, perhaps shell understand the need to maintain a balance between her roles as a mother and a wife. Still, I was ready to jump back into things in the bedroom. Isnt it such a shame that Bob here, says he masturbates 3x a week and Im sitting here daydreaming what it would feel like to have it again after years that my husband just cant. It might be seen as an act of charity on the womans part, but is it really a healthy recipe for life? All this can cause a person to go into anger and hibernate. She has the house and I have my private place seperate from the main house. Perhaps there's a desire discrepancy between you, whether in general or just at this particular time in your lives, and you're both very aware of it. Mental health issues dont appear out of nowhere for no reason. If his wife refuses to explore solutions he will need to tell her the following. I dont know what to do! This kind of if the man would only be more __ advice saturates the internet and its usually written by people with degrees instead of wisdom. For women its submitting to the protector of her choosing and bearing only his children. Just shows how woman dont know anything about other women. Sigh . Take care of yourself. I have many friends in this situation. I desire tenderness and affection, not just an orgasm. I didnt even get a goodmorning after a month away. Intimacy isnt about sex, its about being close in more ways than sexually. oh Pamela, I hear you! Invariably, its a case of emotional intimacy missing. So therapy would be out of the question, and shed never think about going on anything like low dose hormone therapy. Dont know what todo he wont talk about his . That was almost 50 years ago, I dont live in he house with her. Then tell them what your plans are or not, but do not put your sexual and intimacy needs on hold the rest of your life because it is the sign you love someone. Isnt going to happen. only will your wife not want to touch you, but you probably wont want her to anymore. Because of its addictive nature, it rewires the brain by desensitizing you. Counseling is usually the way out but unfortunately most people in a relationship dont want to go that route (or at least one of them doesnt). Divorced quickly. My wife has offered to let me move on, the problem is I love her and everything else about our relationship. But dont you have a affair, to deal with that sex drive that Im ignoring. Thats whats even more hurtful. I started seeing sex workers. Too bad, b/c I think Id be better for him than she could ever be. The LW sounds like a loving and considerate husband. I have spent most of my life not being spoiled by anyone. I have a TON of frustration that has built up for years. I met a man at work a while back, he was attracted to me, he was in a sexless marriage (so he said). Then I find out shes got four different boyfriends. Nowadays due to the requirement of Adult Mens Sex Toys, different kind of online retailer store like Lovecubby available for a variety of high-quality sex toys for men & women that everyone can love. Share This: Have a question about relationships and sex for seniors? I am not happy at not having anymore sex in my life at age 64, but I do care for her and she does care for me, not in the sexual way of course. Were currently stuck at #3, but I have a feeling #1 is gaining ground and will ultimately prevail. 10 years of this and going on5 years since last try, dont sleep in same be, snoring medical issues up down. Asking yourself such questions can help you on your way to a more active and satisfying sex life with your wife. She may be experiencing depression or a lack of self-confidence, or maybe she feels like she's failing at this parenting thing. You need to talk to her and get to the root of whats causing her panic and anxiety whenever she gets close to you; when she feels comfortable and that whatever major issue there is, gets resolved, maybe your sex life will return. Marriage, pregnancy, childbirth, coupled with a sea of hormonal changes at different stages of life, can make a woman gain weight and send her self-esteem nosediving. I am male. To see my wife go direct to the Phone on the first morning home and second morning home was very upsetting. I dont masturbate much because I would prefer to be with her. In such a case, it could be the reason why your wife avoids intimacy. I have come to that conclusion also. I have done the majority of housework including doing the major role of raising our children from Pre school to leaving home. My wife sleeps through most of this so I try to keep quiet and let her sleep. I didnt either with my late husband Too much cheating etc. This is when a person is so sensitive to touch that they try to avoid being touched by another person because of the pain it causes them. Obviously, if a person is feeling low and theyre feeling depressed, theyre not going to want to interact with others, theyre going to want to isolate themselves. Nothing before marriage, nothing on our wedding night and little to nothing for the next 46+ years. Is there any way I can help alleviate some of the stress she is feeling? who cares any more if your in a sexless marriage! Weve never had an argument about it, because Im always careful not to sound like Im accusing her. If men put in as much energy they put in sneaking around spending money on hookers and put all of his energy on his wife by taking 50% of the household chores and helping his wife out with the kids and having him spice up their sex lives you will see more action in the bedroom then before as long as you are sweet and loving towards her you will always get lucky. Send Joan your questions by emailingsexpert@seniorplanet.org. A study published by the. Just be sensitive to what she's going through: If she's dealing with a significant illness or painful condition, for example, it may not be appropriate to push for more sex at this time. At 73, my 69 year old wife fits the descriptions you have provided to a T. Just replace you, the wife, with me, the husband. Foreplay isnt just in the bedroom before sex. Oh stfu. If these thoughts are not at the forefront of your relational mind, well, your (our) love(s) and relationships may in fact die. That killed it for me. To some it may even taste nasty. At 78 and after 47 years of marriage I kind of resigned myself to a sexless marriage.My rabbi was married over 55 years and said he had 4 good years sohe was not complaining.He also said over 90 percent of members of the congregation were miserable in their marriages.I guess he and I. Hello Dave, He sits around the house and watches tv all day long. Then, let the pouting begin. Prostate cancer is the #1 cancer in older men and when the prostate is removed during surgery it makes a man totally impotent no erection, no ejaculation, no orgasm plus total incontinence which means the post cancer patient needs to wear Depends diapers for the rest of his life. Signs My Husband Isn't Attracted To Me - He Rejects Your Hugs, Kisses, And Touch. Not getting the right treatment, not knowing how to deal with depression and then having the pressure to get into physical intimacy is not a good mix. I also went down on her regularly, and now she doesnt even want me to try. I have a consulting business in devlopment now, because Social Security isnt enough to save money. I caught my husband with his ex girlfriend. how do i tell him that in this life, especially for them both, there is more to life than just sex. Women arent suitable for long term monogamy. I cant live another 30 years with him like thus. Marriage is a dream or a fantasy. I suppose that his stomach, which is huge, the fact that he cant really get hard, and the fact that sex takes forever are some of the reasons why I no longer want to have sex. Ive lived through a sexless marriage myself. Underlying medical problems She even stopped expressing affection such as hand holding, goodbye kisses, etc. I found a wonderful woman gynecologist, and she put me on low dose hormone therapy. . I have the same problem, my wife and I are 73 years old, 7years ago she told me she no longer had an interest in sex, so,it has been 7 dry years, she told me I was free to,find someone to have sexy with!! Ive been accepting of her feelings and expectations. Start by considering and working through any and all interpersonal, emotional, and relationship issues. How is she even going to want to have a relationship?. If that is in fact part of the problem, then there nothing that I can do or hope to do. I always aimEd to please her with oral sex preceded by lots of massaging, rubbing, kissing etc. I actually considered early in my marriage that my husband might lean toward being gay and thats why he was somewhat uncomfortable having sex with me. You ever think about getting some on the side? We are 64 and 66 age, with my wife having a mitral valve replaced 30 years ago from childhood rheumatic fever and poor medical care, after our son was 6 years old. nuff said. We both have health issues Life is tough, and tougher knowing you are not going to get laid. But I still love my wife dearly and have no desire to cheat on her. Shes my buddy. Been in sexless marriage for 45 years! And the sex with my current partner is always strained because she doesnt show any real passion or desire to let go. For the months it was possible, I felt like a real man again, and much stronger at home and work. I am new to this. However this does not mean that sex should just cease and its quite difficult for one party in a marriage or long term relationship to just do without something like this because the other party has lost interest (or is depressed), or whatever. The sexual spark will return when she emerges out of it, stronger and healthier. Estrogen levels drop while a woman is transitioning into menopause, which can cause vaginal dryness and cause sex to be painful or just downright uncomfortable. Yeah. Our house is free and clear which is due to my earning a lot over 30 years and being conservative with money. Well, its clearly only getting worse. Her vagina is dry as a bone and she doesnt like penetration at all, either from me or her own fingers. And lots of different health issues and life circumstances can affect your hormones, as can taking hormonal birth control (i.e., the pill). That happens with prostate removal and my father had that and my mother didnt have to have sex with him anymore. Men my advice is dont get married or move in with women if you love sex. Do I disgust her? I want to divorce my husband!!! What to do about it: If you've talked about all the other reasons on this list and mutually feel great about your relationship (talk to her about thisdon't assume! Only you can decide if this is right for you. Thank you for sharing! That was the best written, most solid commentary on this subject Ive ever read. Ive been humiliated, rejected and told you can have love without sex, because, after all, cripples cant have sex but they still have love. So the time has come to find a willing older gal and have an affair and feel alive and like a man again I appreciate the fact my wife has accepted our sexless marriage but I wish I knew what was causing these awful dysfunctions that make sex impossible, Oh my the first paragraph is me and my wife all over just had silver anniversary its been sexless since I was about 35 Im 52 now she no longer initiates intimacy wont kiss or cuddle hates being touched no toutching or anything of that disgusting behaviour treats sex as dirty and says Im old enough to know better gave similar resolution said find someone else but canot as Id be cheating I love her but this is not living promised change every year on Holliday well do it when we get away never happens maybee I am selfish for wanting intimacy with her but wont talk about it were just stuck in a rut its a cave and were going nowhere Im still fit keep trim and look young I have a young outlook whitch she hates but hey ho good luck all I feel less frustrated reading some of these comments xx, My husband who is 80 is 15 years older then me and has health problems so on a lot of meds our sex life finished 4 year ago going down hill gradually I get very upset as there seems to be no affection between us at all he seems quite happy living like this I love him dearly so would never leave him but its hard for me every day, Oh bullshit, a womans answer to wife problems is communicate how you feel to her. For me she is the best woman I have ever been with. We had enjoyed a lovely sex life, with the usual speed bumps (kids, work,etc) but we never stopped. No human being should dominate another person. Men dont want to force their wives into sex, nor do they want to beg for it. Woman think if they dont want a penis inside them that thats it, no sex. And yeah I can pleasure myself, but that will never be like the real thing. . she says when she and I are close she gets panic attacks and anxiety attacks. She would still complain of pain. He will not talk about that either. Is this the case with your guy or does he nave no urges at all? He had at least 9 different jobs, years of unemployment with me working overtime 12 hrs night shifts (RN here). I am in this marriage til death do us part but I feel like Im missing something very big in my life. I cant hurt her, no way! I am not allowed in the shower/bathroom when she is showering or changing. Who gets up and takes card of them? More men need to leave their wives when they wont have sex with them. She will not go to any therapy. With a lot of talk and communication, we have made peace with our sex life. I certainly feel your pain and utter frustration. By the way, I love, desire, and adore my husband, but I recognize I will never have my needs met after almost 50 years. Now when it comes to my receiving oral sex to orgasm? She is a poor communicator and no matter how much I ask she gives me the silent treatment and thinks its OK. And please dont tell me counseling. Make time when you are both relaxed. Have you ever considered WHY your wife doesnt want to have sex anymore? If your wife is struggling with any mental health issues, she may be less interested in sex at the moment. So as partners age, sometimes we have to stop asking for what is too painful for them to give. The therapist totally forgot about me as my wife did. My wife and I have been married 20 years. I dont believe calling sex your duty is accurate at all. You may find that your perception of the situation is extremely different than theirs . If you guys love your wives and wanna stay till death and your having problems with containment, I lost all desire because I have no testosterone so its been a God send to me. My wife and I are celebrating 48 years together in January. Research shows that sexual communication was strongly associated with increased relationship satisfaction and heightened orgasm frequency in women. Some get away with a happy one. I had a feeling he was going to leave me in no time and he later did this was After 3 years of marriage, my husband left me and never returned. You can stay in the loop about her latest programs, gatherings, and other projects through her newsletter: kellygonsalves.com/newsletter. All information is confidential. I bet theres either something from you, or shes hiding a big lie. I mean the guy has a woman more than willing to get playful and see what happens and he uses porn? I though it was my age, now I am 65 look OK, but not yong any more. "There is also much more pressure on any sex youdohave since it's happening less frequently; it feels like there is much more at stake each time the two of you are intimate. Frankly Im tired of people pushing to try Testosterone replacement again. Sigh I dont even want to see anyone else. Tall. Im just sad and trying to figure things out. Join as many groups as you can, and leave him at home. I love her but I need/miss sexual relations, which she's not into. Now I definitely feel more like the odd woman out after reading all those men complaining about lack of sex!I am 45 had a hysterectomy 3 years ago, so menopause was forced on me.I still feel like a horny B*** latina! When your wife avoids physical contact, it could be because of resentment, 13. 2. etc. Thats something that you honestly need to ask yourself. all about love and couple relationships in their varied forms. Thats why were looking at the most common reasons why your wife is never in the mood anymore and what you can do if your wife refuses to have sex.

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